Two Jokes for February

Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day.

"Yes," said Tony, who was a bit of a chauvinist. "I've bought her a belt and a bag."

Surprised Jim said, "That was very kind of you. I hope she appreciated it."

Tony smiled and replied, 'So do I...
“...and hopefully the vacuum cleaner will work better now.'”



Over breakfast, a woman said to her husband, “I’ll bet you don’t know what day this is.”

“Of course I do,” he answered, as if offended, and left for the office.

At 10:00 a.m., a dozen red roses arrived at the house. At 1:00 p.m., a two-pound box of chocolates was delivered. The designer dress arrived at 3:00.

When her husband came home, the woman ran to meet him, threw her arms around his neck and said, “I’ve never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!”

The Atheist in the Woods

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees"!
"What powerful rivers"!
"What beautiful animals"! He said to himself.

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly bear charge
towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer.

He tripped & fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant the Atheist cried out, "Oh my God!"

Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident."

"Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?

The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the BEAR a Christian"?

"Very Well," said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke.

"Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, Amen."