Toyota sells a 40 mile-per-gallon, four-wheel-drive hybrid minivan in Japan, and has since 2001, but they’re playing keeps. It seemed that Toyota didn’t think Americans would buy it because it wasn’t a “full-sized” minivan and it didn’t have enough power.
read more | digg story
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Son of a Preacher Man
I just got this good joke from a friend.
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should
give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he
didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
- a Bible,
- a silver dollar,
- a bottle of whisky, and
- a Playboy magazine
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old Preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard and, Lord, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps.
The boy entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher whispered with disgust, "he's gonna run for Congress!"
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should
give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he
didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:
- a Bible,
- a silver dollar,
- a bottle of whisky, and
- a Playboy magazine
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old Preacher said to himself, "when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up."
"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard and, Lord, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he's gonna be a skirt-chasin' bum."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps.
The boy entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month's centerfold.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher whispered with disgust, "he's gonna run for Congress!"
Friday, September 19, 2008
Who Are Einstein and Picasso?
Einstein dies and goes to heaven.
Saint Peter says, “You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials.
Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
George W looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”
Saint Peter says, “You look like Einstein, but you have no idea the lengths some people will go to, to sneak in. Can you prove who you really are?”
Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?”
Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really are Einstein! Welcome to Heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for his credentials.
Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?”
Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein’s equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be! Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?”
George W looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?”
Saint Peter sighs, “Come on in, George.”
The Volt Isn't A Prius. It's Better
I'm Not Sure I Agree with This Story from Digg.com, but it's interesting.
The Chevrolet Volt and Toyota Prius look a lot alike, but they are fundamentally different cars that blaze separate paths toward the inevitable electrification of the automobile. And while the Prius is the world's most-popular hybrid and the poster child for green(er) motoring, the Volt is more technologically advanced.
read more digg story
The Chevrolet Volt and Toyota Prius look a lot alike, but they are fundamentally different cars that blaze separate paths toward the inevitable electrification of the automobile. And while the Prius is the world's most-popular hybrid and the poster child for green(er) motoring, the Volt is more technologically advanced.
read more digg story
Thursday, September 18, 2008
New Wine for Seniors
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybridgrape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as :
PINOT MORE
I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
High Holidays Synagogue Seating Request Form
As the High Holidays approach a friend emailed this good joke to me. Most of it is applicable to any faith, any congregation - especially the "Talking and No Talking" sections choice.
During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.
1. I would prefer to sit in the ... (Check one)
______Talking section
______No talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (indicate order of interest)
_____Stock market
_____Sports
_____Medicine
_____Congregant’s secret medical tragedies
_____General gossip
_____ Specific gossip (choose)
_____ The Rabbi
_____ The cantor
_____ The cantor's voice
_____ The cantor's wife/husband
_____ The rabbi's wife/husband
_____ Fashion news
_____ What others are wearing
_____ Why they look awful
_____ Your neighbors
_____ Your neighbor’s relatives
_____ President Bush
_____ Sex (Preference:______)
_____ Who’s cheating on/having an affair with whom
_____ Other: ___________________________________
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
_____ Doctor
_____ Dentist
_____ Nutritionist
_____ Psychiatrist
_____ Child psychiatrist
_____ Mother in law
_____ Podiatrist
_____ Chiropractor
_____ Stockbroker
_____ Accountant
_____ Lawyer
_____ Criminal
_____ Civil
_____ Real estate agent
_____ Architect
_____ Plumber
_____ Buyer (Specify store:_____________)
_____ Sexologist
_____Golf pro (tentative: we're still trying to find a Jewish one)
_____ Other:_____________________________
4. I want to be seated (Indicate order of priority)
_____ On the aisle
_____ Near the exit
_____ Near the window
_____ In Aruba
_____ Near the bathroom
_____ Near my in-laws
_____ As far away from my in-laws as possible
_____ As far away from my ex in-laws as possible
_____ Near the pulpit
_____ Near the Kiddush table
_____ Near single men
_____ Near available women
_____ Near anyone who's available - I'm bisexual or just not particular
_____ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
_____ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
_____ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon (Additional Charge)
5. Orthodox only - I would like a seat where:
_____ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
_____ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
_____ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
_____ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people: (limit of 6: if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation)
Your name; ______________________
Building fund pledge: _______________________
During the last holiday season, many individuals expressed concern over the seating arrangements in the synagogue. In order for us to place you in a seat which will best suit you, we ask you to complete the following questionnaire and return it to the synagogue office as soon as possible.
1. I would prefer to sit in the ... (Check one)
______Talking section
______No talking section
2. If talking, which category do you prefer? (indicate order of interest)
_____Stock market
_____Sports
_____Medicine
_____Congregant’s secret medical tragedies
_____General gossip
_____ Specific gossip (choose)
_____ The Rabbi
_____ The cantor
_____ The cantor's voice
_____ The cantor's wife/husband
_____ The rabbi's wife/husband
_____ Fashion news
_____ What others are wearing
_____ Why they look awful
_____ Your neighbors
_____ Your neighbor’s relatives
_____ President Bush
_____ Sex (Preference:______)
_____ Who’s cheating on/having an affair with whom
_____ Other: ___________________________________
3. Which of the following would you like to be near for free professional advice?
_____ Doctor
_____ Dentist
_____ Nutritionist
_____ Psychiatrist
_____ Child psychiatrist
_____ Mother in law
_____ Podiatrist
_____ Chiropractor
_____ Stockbroker
_____ Accountant
_____ Lawyer
_____ Criminal
_____ Civil
_____ Real estate agent
_____ Architect
_____ Plumber
_____ Buyer (Specify store:_____________)
_____ Sexologist
_____Golf pro (tentative: we're still trying to find a Jewish one)
_____ Other:_____________________________
4. I want to be seated (Indicate order of priority)
_____ On the aisle
_____ Near the exit
_____ Near the window
_____ In Aruba
_____ Near the bathroom
_____ Near my in-laws
_____ As far away from my in-laws as possible
_____ As far away from my ex in-laws as possible
_____ Near the pulpit
_____ Near the Kiddush table
_____ Near single men
_____ Near available women
_____ Near anyone who's available - I'm bisexual or just not particular
_____ Where no one on the bimah can see/hear me talking during services
_____ Where no one will notice me sleeping during services
_____ Where I can sleep during the rabbi's sermon (Additional Charge)
5. Orthodox only - I would like a seat where:
_____ I can see my spouse over the mechitza
_____ I cannot see my spouse over the mechitza
_____ I can see my friend's spouse over the mechitza
_____ My spouse cannot see me looking at my friend's spouse over the mechitza
6. Please do not place me anywhere near the following people: (limit of 6: if you require more space, you may wish to consider joining another congregation)
Your name; ______________________
Building fund pledge: _______________________
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Some Political Humor
A teacher in Jackson, Mississippi asked her 6th grade class how many of them were McCain fans. Not really knowing what a McCain fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he decided to be different… again.
Little Johnny said, ‘Because I’m not a McCain fan.’The teacher said, ‘Why aren’t you a McCain fan?’Johnny said, ‘Because I’m a Democrat.’
The teacher asked why he’s a Democrat.Little Johnny answered, ‘Well, my Mom’s a Democrat and my Dad’s a Democrat, so I’m a Democrat.’
The teacher asks, ‘If your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?’
With a big smile,Little Johnny replied, ‘That would make me a McCain fan.’
I always liked Little Johnny.
Little Johnny said, ‘Because I’m not a McCain fan.’The teacher said, ‘Why aren’t you a McCain fan?’Johnny said, ‘Because I’m a Democrat.’
The teacher asked why he’s a Democrat.Little Johnny answered, ‘Well, my Mom’s a Democrat and my Dad’s a Democrat, so I’m a Democrat.’
The teacher asks, ‘If your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?’
With a big smile,Little Johnny replied, ‘That would make me a McCain fan.’
I always liked Little Johnny.
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Looking for an Honest Lawyer
An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."
"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"
"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."
"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"
He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."
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