Dogbert Explains The Financial Crisis

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When the Auto Manufacturers Go Away

Americans have wondered what it looks like when a giant automobile company goes under. The answer can be found in Detroit at the decaying remains of the Packard Motor Car Company headquarters. In the summer of 1956, the once-mighty Packard Motor Car Company closed its doors. Its decaying headquarters and chief production complex still stand here.

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Least Expensive Cars of 2009

Here is an article from about.com on the Least Expensive Cars of 2009 . I'll show you the top two, and you can go to the article to find out the rest.

Least Expensive Cars of 2009
By Aaron Gold, About.com

1. Nissan Versa 1.6 Sedan, $10,685
Photo © Nissan
The Versa was #6 on last year's list; a new base model, the $10,685 1.6 Sedan, makes the Versa the least-expensive new car sold in the US. At that price, the Versa comes pretty well stripped -- manual transmission, no air conditioning, no stereo, and a smaller engine than other Versas -- but you do get a roomy, well-trimmed car that's built to last and will hold its value. Options are limited; if you want a stereo or power windows you'll have to go for one of the pricier Versas. But even the pricier Versas aren't that pricey -- you can get an automatic Versa 1.8S with a CD player, power windows and locks, A/C and antilock brakes for under $16k.
Related: Nissan Versa 1.8 S test drive

2. Hyundai Accent GS Hatchback, $11,745
Photo © Hyundai
Like the base-model Versa, the base-model Accent is pretty sparse: Six airbags and a long warranty but little else. Unlike the Versa, you can add power windows, mirrors and locks and remote keyless entry to the base model -- though you'll also have to get A/C and an automatic transmission, which brings the price up to $14,745, just $380 less than a comparably-equipped Toyota Yaris. Antilock brakes aren't available on the cheap versions, and the Accent's crash test scores aren't very good. Proof that a cheap price isn't always a good deal.

Related: Hyundai Accent SE test drive

Drafting Guys over 60

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

• Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
• Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
• An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
• If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
• Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
• They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the 'New army' now, 'Get down and give me .... er .. One.'
• Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. Also, we won't get in trouble for mistreating prisoners. ..
We won't take any.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Things You Learn from a Son or a Grandson

Here's a list my sister-in-law sent us that's good for a laugh.

You learn interesting things when you have sons, like...

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tr act of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool,you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.