The Moped

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, ' What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?'
The doctor replies, ' A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars ! '
' That's a lot of money,' says the old man. ' Why does it cost so much?'
' Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour !' States the doctor proudly.
The Moped driver asks, 'Mind if I take a look inside ?'
' No problem,' replies the doctor.
So the old man pokes his head in the window And looks around.
Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... But I'll stick with my Moped !'

Just then the light changes, so the doctor decides to show the old man just what his car can do.
He floors it, and within 30 seconds the speedometer reads 160 mph.
Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror.
It seems to be getting closer !
He slows down to see what it could be, and suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !
Something whips by him going much faster !

' What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?' the doctor asks himself.
He presses harder on the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.
Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the old man on the Moped !
Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, He gives it more gas and passes the Moped at 275 mph, and he's feeling pretty good until he looks in his Mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN !

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.
Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped Bearing down on him again !

The Ferrari is flat out, And there's nothing he can do !
Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his Ferrari, demolishing the rear end.
The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably The old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, ' I'm a doctor.... Is there anything I can do for you ?'
The old man whispers, ' Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror '.

The Boasting Boys

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

A New Look for David

Michelangelo's David is returning to Italy . .

After a two year visit to the United States, Michelangelo's David is returning to Italy . . .

His Proud Sponsors were:

A Good Blond Joke

A ventriloquist is onstage, and midway through his performance throws in a series of blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde stands on her chair and shouts, "I've heard just about enough of your blonde jokes! It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected."

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize.

To which the blonde interjects, "You stay out of this mister. I'm talking to the little guy."

An Old Preacher Joke - But It's Still Good

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

• The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
• The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
• The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
• The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

• The first worm in alcohol - Dead
• The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
• The third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
• The fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What can you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine, sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "So, as long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms." That pretty much ended the service.